Summer of my discontent

My apartment has no aircon and today is like most summer days...hot. When I woke up, I felt so uncomfortable that my first thought was, I should buy an airconditioner (or is it air-conditioner unit...whatever).

This single thought has brought on more thoughts about things I should be fixing up in my life. What about that camera that hasn't worked in a year? That friendship that fizzled...the relationship that seems to be going nowhere (or downhill depending on my mood for the day)...the other relationship that could have been or never was?

It occurred to me that my mood is like the mercury on the thermometer of my ref magnet (I collect them, 'nuff said!). It's reflective of what I've seen that day, what I read, or what I watched. So it goes up and down and how I feel about my current state in life (or love) is not based on what it is but how it is viewed based on this new perspective I'm trying on for size.

I think I know just what brought this feeling about. Two days ago I watched the films "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset" and also I'm having a birthday soon. For some people, these two unrelated events add up to nothing but for an introspective freak like me (yup me introspective...an out and out extrovert...go figure!) it spells disaster.

And so I am in a state of discontent about most things. It's so tiring. It is also aggravated by the fact that I'm a type 3 personality (dude, enneagram...look it up). I always feel that I should be better today than I was yesterday. Yet here I am about to get another year older and I still do or say things that I shouldn't.

Most people I know would describe me as a "jolly" and "nice" person but just last night I was such an ogre that I annoyed myself! I turned what had been a fun day into this spectacle of mean-ness. What a mess!