Starting Over

I know I've been negligent updating this blog. I've been writing about stuff in my head (and in my P990) but I haven't had the time to post it here. So I decided to just start over. Goodbye random thoughts...

Love Teams

I heard the latest song of Itchyworms on the radio called Love Team and it got me thinking about love teams and why we loooovvve them.

Why do they capture our imagination? Why do we spend precious time reading about these people, hoping that they fall in love (because "why couldn't tell they are right for each other, when I can see it with my own two eyes? duh!"), or if they do get together, wishing that their love lasts forever...and ever, amen?

I dunno. We're hopeless romantics? (eww) We can't get enough of love? (uh-huh) We'd never ever experience having our own public declarations of ickyness greeted with applause? (uuuuy! yihee!) We're pathetic losers with dull partners? (ouch!)

Well, whatever the reason...here's to my fave loveteams. I can't fathom why but you've certainly made my days a little more interesting. Joey-Pacey, Jeff-Ginger, Ken-Rainie, Trista-Ryan, Juday-Ryan, Mickey-Geeann, Jake-Roxanne...you should listen to this song!

Love team
Itchyworms

Di...Di naman talaga tayo mag-sinta
Pero gusto nila
Kahit ayaw mo bagay raw tayo
Di naman totoo mga yakap mo
Pang-eksena lamang ito
Di nila alam
Na nababaliw na ako sa iyo
Di ko na yata kaya to
Ang aking lihim na pakay
Ay ang lahat na ito'y gawing tunay

Chorus
Sana wag mo kong sisihin
Kung di ko kayang pigilin
Sabi mo na mahal mo ko
Ngunit di naman seryoso
Sana ay magkasingkulay
Ang drama at tunay na buhay ko
Ang tanging pag-asa ko
Ay nasa tambalang ito

Si...sinungaling ka
Kapag may tao
Ay nilalambing mo ako
Ngunit pag wala
Ay sumasama
Turing mo sakin
Ay parang hangin
Bitin na bitin
Di nila alam
Na sa dulo ng tagpo
Di na patok mga linya ko
Nag-iiba ang iyong asta
Hanggang sa susunod na eksena

Chorus
Sana wag mo kong sisihin
Kung di ko kayang pigilin
Sabi mo na mahal mo ko
Ngunit di naman seryoso
Sana ay magkasingkulay
Ang drama at tunay na buhay ko
Ang tanging pag-asa ko
Ay nasa tambalang ito

Sana'y magkatotoo..

Chorus
Sana wag mo kong sisihin
Kung di ko kayang pigilin
Sabi mo na mahal mo ko
Ngunit di naman seryoso
Sana ay magkasingkulay
Ang drama at tunay na buhay ko
Ang tanging pag-asa ko
Ay nasa tambalang ito

Plans and puzzles

I wanted to sit down and write something coherent but like the state of my mind every thought comes in flashes. Something that would make sense if only I can find the right key.

Which is ironic since just last week I finished my work plan for 2007. My work life is so organized that if you asked me what I will be doing months from now, I can tell you in precise detail. My tasks, subtasks, deliverables, resources, etc. etc.

But ask me what else I'll be doing aside from work? It's all-jumbled puzzle pieces.

Maybe I'll go back to grad school and finish my thesis. Maybe I'll finally enroll in Mandarin classes. Maybe I'll get to read all the new books I've spent 10K on (I blew my book buying budget for the whole of 2007 by April). Maybe I'll keep up with a 3-times-a-week gym schedule. Maybe I'll get married. Maybe I'll break up. Maybe I'll get my head on straight.

I think I need a therapist.

How Evil are You?

You Are 24% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Summer of my discontent

My apartment has no aircon and today is like most summer days...hot. When I woke up, I felt so uncomfortable that my first thought was, I should buy an airconditioner (or is it air-conditioner unit...whatever).

This single thought has brought on more thoughts about things I should be fixing up in my life. What about that camera that hasn't worked in a year? That friendship that fizzled...the relationship that seems to be going nowhere (or downhill depending on my mood for the day)...the other relationship that could have been or never was?

It occurred to me that my mood is like the mercury on the thermometer of my ref magnet (I collect them, 'nuff said!). It's reflective of what I've seen that day, what I read, or what I watched. So it goes up and down and how I feel about my current state in life (or love) is not based on what it is but how it is viewed based on this new perspective I'm trying on for size.

I think I know just what brought this feeling about. Two days ago I watched the films "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset" and also I'm having a birthday soon. For some people, these two unrelated events add up to nothing but for an introspective freak like me (yup me introspective...an out and out extrovert...go figure!) it spells disaster.

And so I am in a state of discontent about most things. It's so tiring. It is also aggravated by the fact that I'm a type 3 personality (dude, enneagram...look it up). I always feel that I should be better today than I was yesterday. Yet here I am about to get another year older and I still do or say things that I shouldn't.

Most people I know would describe me as a "jolly" and "nice" person but just last night I was such an ogre that I annoyed myself! I turned what had been a fun day into this spectacle of mean-ness. What a mess!

Photo-finish by a loooong shot

I once interviewed a man (a company CEO) who told me that he was reading 4 books at one time and that he has been doing so for two months. I thought to myself, this guy is weird, he couldn't even finish a book in one sitting.

Here I am 10 years after, and I'm doing the same thing. I've grown old. I can't spare the time to read one book in one sitting. I only have snatches of time...precious pockets of minutes I spend lost in a book's pages.

One I keep in the bathroom to read while in there; one by my bedside in my apartment to read before I doze off to sleep; one by the dinner table to read while I eat my meals, and; one by my bedside in my mother's home when I visit her in the weekends.

I jst hope it doesn't get worse before it gets better. 10 more pages to go of n.p. (by banana yashimoto) tonight. wish me luck :)

Standing still

It's been more than 6 months since my dad died and yet I still feel this way....empty...

This emptiness is like a shadow I cannot shake and yet people who barely know me would think I am perfectly fine. I am a flurry of activity. Smiling, laughing, going on with life...escaping from my random thoughts.

This is the first time in months that I could write here without tears blurring my vision...so I guess I'm as ready as I could ever be...to reach inward and share what I think with the world at large.

Well this is lousy writing I know....but forgive me, I haven't stood still in a long while.

Excuses

It had to happen sooner or later...me singing in my blog I mean...seeing as how I almost always associate everything in my life with a song. Here it goes.

Excuses
Alanis Morisette (So-Called Chaos)

Why no one will help me
I am too dumb, I am too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely, they'll hate me

And there is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
And god wants me to work
No resting no lazy

Refrain 1:
These excuses, how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell

I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me

(Repeat Refrain 1)
Refrain 2:
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me safe in my own shell

Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my side

Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights

No one can have it all see
I have to they want me to
And I can't let them down
I'll never be happy

Repeat Refrain 1
Repeat Refrain 2

Mall Nation

"Have you been to the Mall of Asia?" I get asked this question a lot in the past two weeks. When I answer in the negative, I get prodded to "go...and soon. It's really great!" I nod politely and say nothing in particular.

But I have yet to go and don't plan to anytime soon. I can't seem to find the enthusiasm for it.

Frankly I don't see why we need another behemoth mall, when I already have more than 8 malls within the 10 mile radius of where I live. Do we even have that much money to spend? Are we not a third-world nation?

Maybe we're all out to prove how unpoor we are by flocking to the malls and buying like crazy? Or maybe we just want to get out of our small and sweltering houses to get into the wide and (not open but...) airconditioned spaces? Or maybe because we are poor that we choose to go to the mall (where entrance is free, right?) instead of going to the beach (which entrance is most assuredly 99% not free). Or maybe we don't have enough parks, museums, famous landmarks? Or maybe we've seen them all before. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

One thing's for sure. We are a Mall Nation. We're obsessed with them. We keep on building them. We keep on going to them. If you have not in the past or plan not to in the near future to go to the nearest mall, then you're one of the weirdos.

One time I was abroad, I met a foreign colleague (from Amsterdam) who asked me "You're from the Philippines, right? 1000++ islands, wow! You must go to the beach every weekend." I told him no, it takes at least four hours to go to the nearest one so I go maybe twice a year. He was so disappointed by that answer that I refrained from adding that I'm 20 minutes away from the mall so I go there more often.

Another time, I was asking a group of officemates where should I bring a friend who was visiting from India and they all suggested different malls. I kept rejecting their suggestions even though they gave reasons why each mall's theme is different from the other. Instead I planned to take her to a tour around Corregidor Island, which involved riding a ferry. Alas, a typhoon came and we ended up spending the day at...yup you guessed it...the Megamall.

So now that I've come to ponder on all these, I will endeavor to go to other places on weekends instead of the mall. There's Corregidor to begin with. Maybe next weekend I will...

Well 'coz this weekend, I've already promised my mom I'll go watch a movie with her at the mall.